For placement I have a pastoral session with the vicar once a week which is a bit like counselling. I haven't decided if I like it yet, as I find myself talking to this guy I hardly know about things I wouldn't usually share with a stranger. It's bizarre to appreciate the skills (in listening etc) someone is employing and yet respond to them anyway!
One of the things that came up this week was sex, sexual boundaries between couples and marriage. I thought I'd blog about this because the ideas this guy had were (imo) quite odd for a vicar, or a least not what I would have expected. I got the idea from what he was saying that as long as I felt safe within a relationship, that there was nothing wrong with exploring sexually, that having a sexual drive is a normal thing for a person and that he didn't feel that God would be against someone having sex before they were married, because of the difference between marriage in todays society and in the Bible. (Sorry if I'm sounding a bit confusing-typing as I think) He also expressed that he felt sex was made into too big an issue in the church and why didn't we make such a big thing of lying or stealing.
Taking the last thing first, I do agree that for christians sex can be a major issue, possibly because it's made such a taboo subject within the church, but I also see why it's different from issues of lying or stealing. Firstly I don't know whether it can be compared to those things because that would suggest it's a sin. Which I don't believe it is, it's an expression of love, and of unity, created by God.Therefore I think we need to treat it differently from sin. So, because it's a God-given gift, how should we treat it? Should we take it lightly, as society often does? I don't think so. We should treat it as precious, and respect it as God's creation, entrusted to us. Which brings up the question, how should we use it?
Personally I got the impression biblically, that sex outside of marriage is not advised. But I've tried to look at it from the perspective of this vicar, which was that sex is equal to marriage biblically. It's two becoming one, a marriage of flesh to flesh. Whilst that makes sense, and I don't think it's wrong, in our society I think marriage-in a modern sense, is the best environment for a sexual relationship. Surely it provides a more secure place.
So I think what's left is where we put boundaries in relationships(i guess I'm disagreeing with the vicar now, that sexual exploration is ok.) I think(at least I think I do because I'm still thinking!)that it can't be wise to start a process you're not going to finish, however that means you have to think about what you'd define as sex, and what would make you desire to go further.
Can you tell I got confused by all this?! But I guess it's good that it got me to think.
(sorry for such a long blog!)
One of the things that came up this week was sex, sexual boundaries between couples and marriage. I thought I'd blog about this because the ideas this guy had were (imo) quite odd for a vicar, or a least not what I would have expected. I got the idea from what he was saying that as long as I felt safe within a relationship, that there was nothing wrong with exploring sexually, that having a sexual drive is a normal thing for a person and that he didn't feel that God would be against someone having sex before they were married, because of the difference between marriage in todays society and in the Bible. (Sorry if I'm sounding a bit confusing-typing as I think) He also expressed that he felt sex was made into too big an issue in the church and why didn't we make such a big thing of lying or stealing.
Taking the last thing first, I do agree that for christians sex can be a major issue, possibly because it's made such a taboo subject within the church, but I also see why it's different from issues of lying or stealing. Firstly I don't know whether it can be compared to those things because that would suggest it's a sin. Which I don't believe it is, it's an expression of love, and of unity, created by God.Therefore I think we need to treat it differently from sin. So, because it's a God-given gift, how should we treat it? Should we take it lightly, as society often does? I don't think so. We should treat it as precious, and respect it as God's creation, entrusted to us. Which brings up the question, how should we use it?
Personally I got the impression biblically, that sex outside of marriage is not advised. But I've tried to look at it from the perspective of this vicar, which was that sex is equal to marriage biblically. It's two becoming one, a marriage of flesh to flesh. Whilst that makes sense, and I don't think it's wrong, in our society I think marriage-in a modern sense, is the best environment for a sexual relationship. Surely it provides a more secure place.
So I think what's left is where we put boundaries in relationships(i guess I'm disagreeing with the vicar now, that sexual exploration is ok.) I think(at least I think I do because I'm still thinking!)that it can't be wise to start a process you're not going to finish, however that means you have to think about what you'd define as sex, and what would make you desire to go further.
Can you tell I got confused by all this?! But I guess it's good that it got me to think.
(sorry for such a long blog!)
2 Comments:
firstly that's not a long blog! You're just starting out! :P
Secondly I see what the vicar means, however in those times when sex did mean you were married then that's fine, however I think we need the actual marriage title/service/whatever otherwise the boundary of marriage is flakey, i.e. if a couple accidently take things too far they're married? I don't think that makes sense nor is quite what God had in mind.
I liked your point about why start something when you're not going to finish it and although I think that perhaps sexual exploration of any sort other than kissing isn't really a good idea.
I think talking to someone random can be could however I think i'd find talking about things difficult with a stranger
And finally...yes the church does make it too big-a-thing
I agree with the thought that Biblically sex is equal to marriage - there was a marriage 'ceremony' was comprised of a girl and a guy going into a tent and emerging married.
The tricky thing is to balance this with the importance of sex - maybe this is why the whole 'only within marriage' idea has come about because marriage is something that people still take very seriously (mostly), I think with the gravity with which sex should be treated.
So I think sex outside of a legal marriage service is ok (after all that's just what it is - a legality) but only when treated with the importance it deserves (ie a mistaken druken one night stand wouldn't make two people married because it would be missing the whole spiritual element of the joining of spirits/flesh).
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